I have always tried to be good, and although I have thought of trying to be bad, I don't think that would work. All the things I've written have become ashes, 90% of it, the words at some point became too heavy. This blog too is a mandala to be flushed into the river one day. I think of my thoughts and the things I print out, the cars and clothes like that. Everything to be eroded by water or forgotten in fire. That's how the world ends, all the stories say that. They blame it on God, but it may just be time and circumstance, you know, nature. I'm still discussing what I want to be when I grow up, it's like the end of the world, you'll never know when it happens, and they'll write about it after. 

I guess I'll set a goal and leave it up to magic and wishful thinking, but really the elucidation of the goal, the cheesy vision board of desire will implore me to work on the goal slowly. After some time I will remember that I made a goal and it will either be fulfilled or I may continue to work on it. In spite of myself I have not been able to give up to the extent I dream about. I put on my vision board some eventuality fulfilled by my giving up. It also doesn't work.

I have to admit to myself that I really enjoy hope and magical thinking. It doesn't help to see the contradictions, it's built in, or programmed to such an extent that I can do nothing about it. Oh, the diatribe of philosophers trying to smooth the contradictions. If one is clever enough to point out the contradictions, but cannot foresee the annoyance of that quality of character I would argue that the bible is literally true and the end is nigh. 

Anyway, when I grow up I want to be a fireman, or a cowboy.

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